I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
