Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
