from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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