Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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