I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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