found the other keg... it's in the tree
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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