RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize