like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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