Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Randomize
