planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
