Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
