she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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