Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
