Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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