Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
