There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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