my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
where does the pee come out of this thing
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
