why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
