Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize