how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
