Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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