We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
