He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
