they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
