So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
