I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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