Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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