bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You need Xanax blowdarts
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize