I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
