the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
