My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I love you.
Bad choice
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
