this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
