Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
