i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
