That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
