i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
