he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
