You're my little dorito
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
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