Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
