If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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