Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
We don't watch enough power rangers
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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