i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
