i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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