The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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