I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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