he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
