you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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