Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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