from now on my penis is your penis
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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