so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
