i would punch a child for taco bell
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
