It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
