Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Randomize
