and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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