Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
