batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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