he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
