i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
