Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
