Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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