Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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