You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
