i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
