Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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