So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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