I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
