I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
