did you get engaged???
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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