i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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