i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
