i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
