Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
MIDGETS
????
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize