Me. At least after what I've been through.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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