We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
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