I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
