I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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