she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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