How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
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