Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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