it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
