I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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