in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I need to calm my uterus...
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
