The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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