i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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