I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
