Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
