I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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