shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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