She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
