I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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