he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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