and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
