Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
