I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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