everyone is single if you try hard enough
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
