Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
