I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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