I'm jealous of your bromance
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I miss vodka workout Fridays
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
