my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
