he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
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