He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
