im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
